It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize