She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
