I heard we made out
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
