somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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