He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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