Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
