i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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