So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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