Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
