I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize