Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
being pregnant is like rehab
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
