why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
