Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
