I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
