Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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