Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
