Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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