Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
