Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
