you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
