I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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