I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
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Do I have a choice?
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If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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