Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
