you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
