dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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