They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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