just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
