She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
