Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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