Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
