Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
