I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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