It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
