first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
