There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
