we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
