i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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