wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
