if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
