I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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