why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
