I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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