apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
