we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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