i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
