I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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