was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
