she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
