Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
