When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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