I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize