i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
