Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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