at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize