He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
