I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
