There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize