i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
