my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize