Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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