ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
