I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
