How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
