I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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