He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
