We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
