Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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