before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
