On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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