Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
