yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
