I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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