i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
