Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
