So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
