NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
