She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
