if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
