We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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