You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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