the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
