I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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