As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
