here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
