but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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