He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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