I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
