did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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