everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
