I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
